Thursday, December 18, 2014

i thought i was strong

I thought I was strong but I'm wrong. In some cases, I thought I could face it like a brave woman but I felt before I face it. Seems like my energy is drained out slowly.. slowly.. I don't know when will my energy run out but it's getting closer. I don't think I have any more patience to face this hardness. All of this are eating me out.

There was a fanfic I read. I don't remember its name but it was a well-written fanfic. The main character used to hurt herself when she felt down or pressure. By then I thought it was not her fault if she or anyone who wanted to commit suicide. The surrounding make she thinks like that. For some reason, I do think wanting to commit suicide but fortunately I don't have gut to do so. But, I do feel like want to punch some walls as if it will push away the hurts in my heart. There are soo many times I said I want to quit. Quit from everything that gave headaches, stresses, tensions and pressures.
Back to the fanfic I read, the writter then pointed out about the people who actually care for us. Even if we thought there was nobody who seem to care about us, there was still someone somewhere who deeply thought about us. There is still people who love us more than we love ourselves. I believe in that. Can I?

I know there's no point raging at something but still it will ease the problem.

I know crying make us look weak but still crying can lighten our heart.

But right now, I don't have a crying shoulder to lean on. I desperately need it.

The people who I care soo much, the people who I love deeply, the person who I miss damn much are not here by my side but they still inside my heart. And I know, they also feel like what I felt. That people, that person thanks. Thank you so much for being there with me when the world seems to be cruel with me. Thanks for hand me helps when I need it.

I'm not a person with words. Therefore, I'm not good in expressing my feeling. But you guys know it, right?

Those two years of spending time together actually change me a lot. Although I'm still lazy as I was born with it but still I finish all the homework given. I learnt about skinship that actually help a lot in a relationship like you and me. I also learnt about sharing is caring.

Those two years of speding time together, it has lots of memories. The beautiful and happy memories and also the bad and dark memories. All of it are so precious to me.

Those two years of spending time together, it give me strength to continue my life, to fight for the best, to keep continue and continue.

Fath, remember this.
"Run while you can. If you can't, then walk. If you can't walk, crawl. Don't stop moving. You can do it!"

letter from heart, fath